So, last year, two idiots, me being one, had the idea to troll around town taking pics of all the bright lights and gloomy displays put out for halloween. We did the same for Christmas and the Fourth of July. A precedent was set. Then this Halloween came around.

Firstly, last year, year one for the Halloween pics, the Kid and I roll out, do our thing, and generally have a good time. We did raise a few eyebrows among those who noticed us and wondered what we were up to. There not being a call into the police about two giggling grown men in what looked like a cop car slinking up and down the street and taking photographs of people’s houses was quite surprising. From an outside view that almost looks like the start to some low-budget crime thriller. The only thing that could have made the situation any more suspect is if we decided to take my father’s old white van.

This Halloween, the kid couldn’t make it out. If you haven’t heard, he’s been elected to office, president of his college class. So, he had to hang back and do president stuff, like wiretap the junior college Democrat committee headquarters or to launch an offensive at Simpson College.

Ma and Dixie, our dog, decided to join me this year. It was worked out that Ma would drive, Dixie would act as navigator, sitting shotgun, then I would be in the back with the camera. The night took a bad turn immediately as we stepped out of the front door, as a horrific smell was floating upon the air. As we were looking to be in the car with the windows down for an extended period of time, this wasn’t looking great. The situation was compounded by the fact that Dixie, the old lady that she is, was struggling with a bit of gas. No matter how many werewolves or ghosts or corpses I would come across, the combined stench of what floated in the window and what floated out of Dixie was far more terrifying.

We went along the streets, and we came upon one house that was on my check list. It’s one of those places where they seem to turn their seemingly mundane front lawn into a complete haunted graveyard. The kind of place where the lights dazzle, but the sudden, unexpected movement or scream of an animatronic finds the pause button on your heartbeat quickly.

Last year, when we were out, this house didn’t have all its goodies out just yet, so I was called back for some reshoots. I had to go alone at this time since the kid had returned to college. I decided to get out of the car and take some closer pictures of the display. Alone in the dark, on the sidewalk of this place I went to take a picture of this animatronic girl. The creepy girl sat there in her coffin. I went to take the picture; the flash went off, which made the little girl thing light up, and scream or something. All I know is I quickly remembered I had two heart conditions, and I had to catch my breath leaning against a tree.

This year, same house, same creepy girl; I go to take a picture, but I’m smarter. I learn from my mistakes. Fool me once, and all that jazz. I had the flash turned off; I was there, ready. I take the picture, I flinch, or the wind shifted, or that creepy girl is doing her best to kill me; either way, the thing sprung to life again, scaring the bejeezus out of me again, testing my heart medications again. All while Dixie looked on with curiosity from the car.

That’s the way the night went. I took 440 pictures this year, and only posted 58 because the majority came out too blurry, too dark, too bright, or too what am I looking at? Ma’s heart was in the right place when she offered to drive, and I really appreciate her help and company. With that being said, the old bat seemed not to be able to see where she was going, drove up the middle of the street a couple of times, stopped on a dime, and hit one curb with such accuracy I thought it was my sister driving.

If I’m being honest, I’m not sure how I survived. There was a point where I was trying to get a blurry picture of a plastic pumpkin as Ma drove up the middle of the road and Dixie let ’em rip, asleep in the front seat. But I did, and we did it, and that brings us to Halloween night. The three of us decided to give out candy at the office. Only one of us dressed up, and she wasn’t happy about it. Dixie went as an old lady, wearing pearls and carrying a cane and a purse. She flat-out refused to wear the little wig, though. In the one picture I got of her in full regalia, she has the wig lopsided, partially off, making her look like an old woman who’s had too much to drink.

We may have only had 11 trick-or-treaters at the office this year, but it was a good time. So was going out and taking pictures. Although I’m sure we can all agree the picture of Dixie as the drunken old woman is by far the best photograph I took this Halloween.