Of all the holidays and special days during the year, Valentine’s Day is the scariest. After all, we all know what to do for Christmas, Birthdays, Anniversaries,Thanksgiving and all the other ones. Some of the special days (Christmas, Anniversaries, Birthdays, etc), scream loud and clear, “Hey, I am a huge special day and you better adjust your gift accordingly.” Other holidays just mean a little peck on the cheek and an enjoyable three-day weekend. Maybe something special and then again maybe not. After all, did anyone do anything “earth-shattering” special on Ground Hogs Day? 4th of July is easy. Find a parade to watch, eat some watermelon and relax in the evening watching fireworks somewhere, or even just stay home all day. No frightening announcement,”But honey, we always enjoyed celebrating the 4th, just you and me, a big slice of watermelon, a scrumptious hot dog and chips and then us cuddling up together watching the fireworks.” Nah, that never happens. The rest of the holidays are pretty much in the same category. Can’t make too many mistakes with Memorial or Labor day, can you? But…..

Ya, But!! Valentine’s Day! What does a guy do? Go big? Go kinda big? Flowers? How much do you spend? Candy? But she’s on that diet! Flowers AND candy? What kind of flowers? If I go a little inexpensive with anything but roses, will I be in trouble? I mean, how can a guy getting flowers for his girl possibly get in trouble? And what about those “one week” old roses? Cheaper but!!!!

Now I can’t speak for what goes on in the mind of a woman and for that matter, who in the world can? Oops, scratch that last comment. The fingers just for some reason automatically hit the keyboard and I didn’t mean it and it wasn’t my fault. I think my keyboard must have a demon in it!! Anyway from a guy’s point of view, Valentine’s Day can be tough. How much is too much? Can there EVER be too much? How much is too little? There can ALWAYS be too little. Remember that guys. There can never be too much and the can always be too little. And that is about the best advice I can possibly give. However, I will share one short paragraph on MY vast years of expertise with women!! Not women….but just one sweet, loveable and forgivable woman!!

I’ve had almost forty years of Valentine’s Day experience, so I am pretty much an expert. Now, I don’t count the dating years because, in dating years, we men are all thinking……ya, we’re all thinking and we all went way overboard on every holiday back in the dating years…..even President’s Day!

I’ve trained Deb right. Wait, that didn’t come out quite right. It doesn’t look very good in print. Let’s see how it can be fixed up. Over the years I’ve figured out what she likes, doesn’t like, her whims and wishes and all that sweet mushy stuff that lets me know I’m on my way to another gold medal. I can’t speak for anyone else’s woman, but mine doesn’t care too much for flowers. They’re ok but she often says, (it took several years of hints), “Hun, don’t get me flowers, they just wilt in a few days, anyway.” She likes stuffed animals but again, with a few hints here and there, she says we have way too many already. Chocolate is always good but she always tells me NOT to get her any candy ‘cuz it’s so fattening. I humbly abide, although I do buy myself a couple of butterfingers candy bars.

Yep, she’s a good lady and I’ll keep her. Or more to the point, I hope she keeps me. What will we do for Valentine’s Day? Well if I play my cards right, she just might make me a good supper, maybe some brownies for a snack later in the evening and then a nice quiet night of watching Criminal Minds or Burn Notice, my…..oops, I mean her two favorite shows.

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY HONEY. I LOVE YOU. So what do you think? Am I in trouble or not? Let me know at jsheda@indytel.com or call me at 319-327-4640. I might need your advice!!