To say my sister and I have the occasional fight is an understatement. To say that she's Muhammad Ali and I'm George Foreman, that could be a more accurate statement, but our rumble in the jungle is filled with quick-witted barbs and sarcastic comments. The ironic part is that usually we get ...

One of the things I want most from the bat cave is the bat phone. You know, the red emergency line phone; that would be cool. And, if I did have that, it would have rang last week. So, I was at home, it was Tuesday, I had just loaded my plate up with seconds from supper when my Ma's phone ...

So, it's spring. Flowers are blooming, and piles of random odds and ends are left out on the berm for a disgruntled city worker to pick up. Yeah, we threw a load of junk out there to be taken. We do every year. Somehow we always have some more random crap just lying around to throw into a ...

I don't remember the first time I rode a lawn mower. I don't remember the first time I drove a tractor. I don't remember the first time I drove a car. I'm sure I was too young for all three. But I do remember the first time I got pulled over because it happened last week. As a fat man who ...

Somewhere in the living room, there is a small wooden box marked with a label that reads "Mike's Balls." Years ago, I gathered together all of the hacky sacks, bouncy, and stress balls that I owned and put them in this box. Why? So that I could make that label. I said it before, and I'll say ...

I had a living nightmare last week. A real-life experience of a stereotypical dream from hell. My misery, your mirth, let me tell you about it. So, I was at the high school working on a story for the paper, and if you haven't been in the STC high school in the past ten years, saying it has ...

We don't answer the door at my house. It's not a thing, it's never been a thing. If you come by my house and ring the doorbell expect nothing because that's what you'll get. Actually, just don't come by. I don't know about other places, but it's always been this way at my house. The doorbell ...

There are scraps of paper adorned with my doodles and scribbles strewn throughout the house like other homes have dust bunnies because I very rarely throw a drawing away. I don't throw a lot of things away. I would say it is one part insanity and one part strategy. Okay, probably 60-40. The ...

A week or so ago, my Ma came into the room and said, “There's a dead rat in the garbage.” There wasn't. I had shaved though, and left several inches of beard hair in the trash. I guess I could see the resemblance. I never wanted a beard growing up. None of the heroes I worshipped had one. ...

For two years in middle school, I thought I went to school with a boy named Beyonce. I believe it's safe to say I misheard his name. I don't remember when I learned or thought I learned my pupil's name was Beyonce, but I specifically remember when I found out that wasn't his name. Before I ...