I don't remember the first time I rode a lawn mower. I don't remember the first time I drove a tractor. I don't remember the first time I drove a car. I'm sure I was too young for all three. But I do remember the first time I got pulled over because it happened last week. As a fat man who ...

Somewhere in the living room, there is a small wooden box marked with a label that reads "Mike's Balls." Years ago, I gathered together all of the hacky sacks, bouncy, and stress balls that I owned and put them in this box. Why? So that I could make that label. I said it before, and I'll say ...

I had a living nightmare last week. A real-life experience of a stereotypical dream from hell. My misery, your mirth, let me tell you about it. So, I was at the high school working on a story for the paper, and if you haven't been in the STC high school in the past ten years, saying it has ...

We don't answer the door at my house. It's not a thing, it's never been a thing. If you come by my house and ring the doorbell expect nothing because that's what you'll get. Actually, just don't come by. I don't know about other places, but it's always been this way at my house. The doorbell ...

There are scraps of paper adorned with my doodles and scribbles strewn throughout the house like other homes have dust bunnies because I very rarely throw a drawing away. I don't throw a lot of things away. I would say it is one part insanity and one part strategy. Okay, probably 60-40. The ...

A week or so ago, my Ma came into the room and said, “There's a dead rat in the garbage.” There wasn't. I had shaved though, and left several inches of beard hair in the trash. I guess I could see the resemblance. I never wanted a beard growing up. None of the heroes I worshipped had one. ...

For two years in middle school, I thought I went to school with a boy named Beyonce. I believe it's safe to say I misheard his name. I don't remember when I learned or thought I learned my pupil's name was Beyonce, but I specifically remember when I found out that wasn't his name. Before I ...

Six deaths and a wedding sum up how 2025 is going for me so far, and I didn't even go to the wedding. I don't believe in bad years or months, but man, oh man, has this been a doozy. I believe in moments, not bad days because it is my belief that an entire day can't be bad. Of course, it can ...

I probably think about death too much. Not in a bad way or anything, just your daily musings. My sister said I probably don't think about it any more than anyone else, then I reminded her I wrote a book all about the different possible ways my family might die. But really who can tell with ...

I tend to be a bit loquacious at times, but I get it honest. However, there is something unfortunate that comes with being so talkative, and that is contracting the ol' foot-in-mouth disease. Those times when your mouth moves a little faster than your brain, and suddenly you've said something ...