The term 'derecho' has been thrown out a few times this week. I don't know. I'm writing this at 5 a.m. Wednesday morning, so maybe that's all the noise I hear outside. Either way, I remember the first derecho, you know the one I'm talking about. It has become like the JFK assassination; ...
One of the questions I get the most these days is: "What's your father up to?" The answer is, I don't know. The man usually leaves at the crack of dawn, and I don't see him again until he comes home in the evening. Your guess is as good as mine. The fact is, with The Old One, I think ...
I don't care how many of these articles I write; I don't think anyone ever will truly understand the inner workings of my family. I was watching a screwball comedy from the 30s the other day about a madcap rich family that was always going from one farce and insane wild antic to another. I ...
My birthday was last Friday, and to tell you this story, I have to rewind to Thursday afternoon. It all connects eventually, trust me. So, the day before, Thursday, June 26, my birthday eve, the last day of my 28th year, I wanted to take it relatively easy. One of the few things I needed to ...
Sometimes the fates align like an eclipse making a single perfect, beautiful, once in a lifetime moment. When these things happen you have to appreciate them for their rarity, and for the sheer mind-tickling wonder that it is. To cut to the chase, it is my birthday this Friday, and my sister ...
Time is a construct. Time is a fallacy. Time is an idea created by man and put into practice so that you'd show up 20 minutes early to your doctor's appointment and wait in an uncomfortable chair next to an old lady with a death-rattle cough. Einstein said, "Time is relative," and there is no ...
Two weeks ago, I went to the gas station to get the paper. It was Sunday, and I wanted to do the crossword puzzle. You, as I did, probably assume this would be a rather innocuous, banal task; well, you assume wrong. My indecision between the Gazette and the Register had me purchasing both. I ...
The philosopher Bo Burnham once said, "Apathy's a tragedy, and boredom is a crime." That not only perfectly sums up this day and age as a whole, but also my Ma's feelings on the subject. Where my sister and I grew up with the luxuries of today's distractions, my Ma did not. Growing up, Ma ...
In my youth, I attended the annual carnival at the Lincoln Highway Bridge Festival. I couldn't ride the rides because of my tendency to vomit, so I played the games. However, I am not skilled at carnival games, and I lost so much money throwing old darts at limp, sagging, partially filled ...
To say my sister and I have the occasional fight is an understatement. To say that she's Muhammad Ali and I'm George Foreman, that could be a more accurate statement, but our rumble in the jungle is filled with quick-witted barbs and sarcastic comments. The ironic part is that usually we get ...