John Sheda

Ever been told you’ve got a chip on your shoulder? Or that someone is about to kick the bucket? Or maybe you’re a doubting Thomas? And if you’ve ever been told you may have bitten off more than you can chew, you have just been tagged with an idiom! A literal phrase of words that bring about a figurative meaning other than the original phrasing. And who says you don’t learn anything from this column? Haruumph!

Actually idioms are a dime a dozen but if you’re caught between a rock and a hard place, I will give you my two cents worth. So now the ball’s in your court ‘cuz this column on idioms should go the whole nine yards. Of course I don’t want to beat a dead horse or drive you up the wall but ya never know, I could be a blessing in disguise. Please remember I have no ax to grind and you won’t go to hell in a handbasket, unless you happened to get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, or one of those back seat drivers! Then it’s every man for himself. After all, even I can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s eye.

However, for the most part, we’re all pretty much in the same boat, especially as we try to get through these dog days of summer. All we can do is hold our horses because this heat sure ain’t no icing on the cake. I am not pulling your leg but for some reason, I get the feeling this column is going over like a lead balloon. If it is — put a sock in it! Because I’m in it up to my ears by now and I’m going for broke and will absolutely continue to make hay while the sun is shining. After all, I can’t possibly throw the baby out with the bath water, can I?

But then again, maybe we should just let sleeping dogs lie because to be honest, there really is no method to my madness. I’ve tried my very best to mine my “P’s & Q’s.” You can easily see that yours truly is not playing with a full deck, but as long as we’ve gotten this far, I can assure you I’m all bark and no bite. But perhaps it’s time to go out on a limb and let you all know that I once bought a lemon only to find out a few days later I couldn’t cut the mustard. So I tried to eat my cake and keep it too, but it started raining cats and dogs and I had to bite my tongue instead. I got close but no cigar, so let’s just cut to the chase. You simply can’t cry over spilt milk, shouldn’t count your chickens before they’re hatched, never look a gift horse in the mouth and whatever you do, please do not put all your eggs in one basket.

Well, time’s about up and you’re gonna be saved by the bell. Stay cool as a cucumber if you can, try not to get as sick as a dog and if you can, have the best of both worlds because it sometimes can be a dog eat dog world. But for the most part if you look hard, you can find a silver lining behind every cloud, although you may every now and then get a taste of your own medicine.

So at the end of the day, the bottom line is this, a fool and his money are soon parted but my question is this, how in the world did the fool get the money in the first place? There, that’s my two cents worth and now if you have the courage, I would give a penny for your thoughts at jsheda@indytel.com or call me at 319-327-4640. Now to be fair, this has been no cock and bull story, but I did ramble like a chicken with its head cut off. Shhhh…..folks, Elvis has left the building! Your comments are as welcome as the flowers in May! Har, Har, Har.