Michael D. Davis.

My Ma has carried a purse for as long as I can remember, and all that time, her purse has been a thing of legend. Just about anything could be inside it. I often joke that I once saw her take a potted plant out of it, but that’s not far off.

First of all, the thing is huge. My Ma has gone through many a purse throughout the years, and whenever she’s looking to purchase, she comes to the same question; is it big enough? I sometimes refer to it as her duffel bag; one of her coworkers calls it her luggage. It’s about the size of a suitcase and weighs about as much as a cinder block.

If you don’t believe me on how big my Ma’s purse is, let me tell you this. My Ma has in her purse a smaller purse to hold items. She has the turducken of purses. And the purse within the purse is still a moderately sized purse.

I say all this, but the truth is, it is one of the handiest items around. The thing is like magic. My Ma has said everyone has always needed something from it.

Example: ya got a headache, the purse has Tylenol. Dirty hands, the purse has hand wipes. Dry throat, the purse has a lozenge.

Hangnail, the purse has clippers. Need to write something down, the purse has a notepad and pen. Hungry? My Ma often keeps what she calls an emergency banana in her purse.

One of the best examples of this is with one of my Ma’s coworkers. I forget exactly what the weather conditions were at the time, but as he was coming into work, my ma’s coworker got his shoes and socks wet. Having just started his shift, he didn’t want to work all day in wet socks. Well, the purse provided.

For a while, she also carried around underwear in a tin that I got her one year as a gag gift. I’m not positive where that ever went.

The purse may be heavy, but it comes in handy as well when carrying takeout. I’ve seen the top of her purse hold at least three bags of food, easy.

The top of Ma’s purse has often been utilized in different ways. Just recently, me, Ma, and my sister have gone to the theater to catch a movie.

Well, ya have to get snacks at the beginning of the movie, and when you’re done what are ya gonna do with them? It’s ridiculous to get up and throw anything away during the movie, and Ma’s purse becomes the perfect holding receptacle.

The gaping maw that is the top of Ma’s purse has swallowed more items whole than I can count. From falling keys to random French fries, and more often than not, the item is lost to the depths of the purse. No one really wants to dig through the big thing, you’d be there for hours.

So, as you can see, my Ma’s purse is something that would make Mary Poppins salivate with unchecked envy. And I know I say it as a joke, but I don’t think anyone would actually be surprised if Ma took a potted plant out of her purse.

I mean, she could keep it next to the emergency banana.