John Sheda

One of the great passages of generation to generation is the ago-old statement, “Why, boy, I remember when I was a kid, I had to walk five miles to school every day, uphill both ways.” Or how about this one, “Listen boy, it was so cold when I was a kid that when I milked the cows, ice cream came out.” Or to get me going with today’s column, “Boy, you don’t know what cold is. I remember when I was a kid, it was so cold that grandpas’ false teeth were a-chatterin’….and they were still in the glass on the nightstand. Now, son, that’s cold.” Here are more thoughts about how cold it is or was. IT IS SO COLD THAT…

…even my goosebumps have goose bumps on them.

…even Democrats and Republicans in Congress can’t get into a heated argument.

…I saw several snowmen knocking on doors demanding to come indoors.

…my neighbor had a cup of Tabasco sauce instead of coffee this morning!!

…that Jack Frost quit and headed south.

…several people were opening their refrigerators just to warm up.

…even the “hot air” of politicians was at best, lukewarm.

…people were using ice cycles instead of firewood.

…Judy told me that she caught her dog using the toilet instead of going outside. Now that’s cold!!

…that teenage boys even had their pants pulled up.

…my long johns were actually hiding from me!!

…when my coat and gloves and hat heard what my long johns were doing, they hid too. Folks, that’s cold!!

…at the local fish fry’s, the fish were actually jumping into the deep fat fryers.

…after I ate last Monday, I got some mild heartburn and enjoyed it.

…my shadow froze to the sidewalk.

…a neighbor’s thermometer would have frozen to death, if it had been an inch longer.

…I tried to take the garbage out last night, but it refused to go.

…a good friend of mine was actually praying to get a fever.

…I heard a guy out in the country was eating supper a few days ago and his fork stuck to his tongue. Now, that’s cold!!

…Politicians actually have had hands in their own pockets….for a change!! (Must be cold)

…I was talking with a friend outside, and when I laughed, my mustache shattered!!

As I’m preparing today’s column, it’s about minus 17 degrees. Brrrr. I gave you some idea how cold it was from my perspective. Now, it’s your turn. Let me know how cold it is or was in your neck of the woods. Let me know at jsheda@indytel.com or call me at 319-327-4640. Love to hear from you. Stay warm.