Michael D. Davis

Have you ever stood naked in your bedroom and wondered, “What if a man walks in looking for directions?” Well, you should.

Do you all remember that old blues song ‘Born Under a Bad Sign’? Well, Google it then; because that dude was singing about me. All my life. I’ve had bad luck. Or at least I call it bad luck. Either way, weird, one-in-a-million type malarky happens to me. The only thing I can say about this is my sense of humor offsets the bad luck. Now, if I had no sense of humor and still had this type of luck, my life would be a Greek tragedy. My sense of humor, however, tints my life in a different color, and I have somehow been cast in a Buster Keaton film.

Now, it is at this point in the story that you will want me to prove myself with an example, and I will. Trust me. But I want you to know what I am about to tell you honestly, 100% happened. And on top of that, I have only told this story a handful of times, including once to a man who is now dead. The story had nothing to do with his death. I’m just saying dead men tell no tales, so I could’ve kept this to myself. But I’ve been up all night, seen the sun go down, seen the sun come up, and I’m feelin’ weird.

Alright, this was a few years back. My dad had just retired and was recovering from knee replacement surgery. He had gotten to the point where he could take himself to physical therapy, which in itself is probably a sign that he no longer needed physical therapy, but I digress. It was early afternoon midsummer, beautiful weather. Everyone was home. The old man left out the front door to go to his physical therapy appointment. My Ma was in the kitchen stirring up some cookies or some baked good. My sister was in her room on the north side of the house. I was on the south side of the house. My room has two main doors. Door one is on the south side, and is directly next to the west-facing front door, which leads out onto the porch. I never use door one. Door one is filled with various items up to about 5 feet 10 inches. As three out of the four members of the household hardly grace 5 feet, only my father would be able to see into door one. Door two leads to the bathroom, which has another door that opens into the kitchen.

Let’s recap, my father left, Ma is in the kitchen, and my sister is on the other side of the house. I decide to take a shower. I go into the bathroom and close the door. I proceed into my room and begin to strip. I get completely nude, as a person would with their destination being the shower. I then heard the front door open and close. I thought nothing of it. My sister often made sun tea, and I figured she was putting a jug on the bench. That’s when I heard it. The voice. I looked up. A man was standing by the front door. And, of course. He was over 6 feet tall. He was looking over door one’s barricade. Directly at me. In all my glory.

I forget the man’s name. (I’m sure my Ma would remember) But as he continued to look at me, he said his name and the fact that he was looking for his sister. I was completely stunned. Even tho I was nude, I could not move. After a moment I moved my hand in a shooing motion towards the door and simply said, “Go, just go.” The man didn’t move. Kept looking at me, and repeated his name and that he was looking for his sister. I said, “Go, please go, outside go, please.”

I think it was at this moment it donned on him he was in the wrong place because he then moved suddenly back out the door. I then run through door two, through the bathroom, and stick my head out the bathroom door. I yell, “MAN IN THE HOUSE! STRANGE MAN IN THE HOUSE!” My Ma could do nothing at the time because she was stirring her concoction. However, my sister ran with the grace of a ballerina and the ferocity of a rabid rottweiler through the length of the house and out the door. Outside, my sister informed the man that his sister didn’t live here. After a few moments, we all gathered out in the yard and watched the man drive away. He found his sister on the next block.

Now, two things. One, the man walked through a porch, under an engraved sign that says Davis, and into the living room to then see me nude and still asked about his sister. That confuses me. Secondly, we found out later, when the old man left for physical therapy he forgot to lock the door.