Jill Pertler

Last week, I touched on the importance of choosing the best and most functional grocery cart. I attempted to use wise words not only to define refined grocery cart features but also to outline their importance.

Now we address part two of this worthwhile and much-needed endeavor. (As judged by some of my fellow shoppers who seem entirely oblivious to the basics of cart civility and decorum.)

Let’s say you’ve chosen the perfect cart. No rust, no squeaks, no dents or abnormalities. You might think you are in the clear, but we’ve only just begun regarding your overall cart experience. (Small pause and nod to Karen Carpenter with that last sentence.) Okay, let’s move forward, as any good – and rust-free – cart will do.

Mastery of the rules I am about to outline can make or break the grocery experience for each co-shopper you meet. It is basic etiquette at its best, and it’s not only essential but imperative to the safety and general well-being of every shopper in the store.

First and foremost. Once you choose your cart, you are one entity with said cart for the endurance of your entire shopping experience. You’ve committed to this long-term relationship for the next 45 minutes, and nothing should interrupt that symbiosis.

At all times, stay close to your cart. I can’t stress this enough. Keep in mind your overall cart imprint – how much space are you consuming, and how can you make that tighter and smaller?

Aisle maintenance is paramount. Imagine you are navigating a two-lane highway, not a traffic-jammed street, during rush hour. Stay in your lane and avoid drifting toward the median. Attend to your responsibilities; sloppiness is not acceptable at this point.

Although you should be physically attached to your cart at all times, you may be standing on the left side of the aisle (looking at tuna). At the same time, your cart waits on the right (near the ever-expanding selection of canned chili).

DO NOT commit this offense!

You are blocking an entire aisle, which is not permissible under grocery guidelines 2.0, established by the Geneva Council of 1971, subpart 32.75: “tuna versus canned meats.”

It’s as serious as toilet paper, people. Pay attention.

Jill Pertler is an award-winning syndicated columnist, published playwright, and author. Don’t miss a slice; follow the Slices of Life page on Facebook.