John Sheda

Everyone knows this quote from the legendary Yogi Berra. He also said when ordering a pizza, “You better cut it into four pieces. I don’t think I’m hungry enough to eat six.” Here are some more quotes from famous people:

“The secret to staying young is by living honestly, eating slowly, getting to bed early and lying about your age.” Lucille Ball.

“Sometimes I lie awake at night and wonder what’s wrong with me when I hear a voice saying, “This’ll take more than one night.” Charles Schulz.

“I told my doctor that I broke my leg in two places and he told me not to go to those places anymore.” Henny Youngman

If you’re wondering why the column is about various quotes, I received an email just this morning with a variety of anonymous quotes and sayings and they made me actually chuckle out loud. Here they are…

“My daughter said she wanted a cat for Christmas. I thought we normally had turkey but…”

“Ask your doctor if the drug he’s prescribing with 18 pages of side-effects is really worth taking.”

“When people say ‘congrats’ is it because they can’t spell congratjulashions.”

“I re-labelled my wife’s spice rack. It’s been no problem so far but the THYME IS CUMIN.”

“I don’t really care what your religion is or even your political beliefs. Just please use your turn signal.”

“The best way to get back on your feet again is to miss a couple of car payments.”

“Ever listen to someone and think to yourself, his cornbread ain’t done in the middle.”

As I wait for this generation to re-write history, I’m sure it will be misspelled and no punctuation.”

And this last one:

Driver: “Officer, what am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?”

Officer: “Just keep it. When you collect four, you get a bicycle.”

Anyway for a Monday morning, (as I write this), I enjoyed a good laugh or two. Hope you did as well. The good book tells us that “a merry heart is just as good as medicine.” Don’t forget to laugh today. Let me know some of your favorite jokes or quotes at jsheda@indytel.com or call me at 319.327.4640. Did you the one about………….