John Sheda

Do you remember being asked these two questions from time to time; “If not now, when” and “If not me, who”? Well folks this ol’ curmudgeon has decided the time is now and it’s me that has to change.

I am entering the “politically correct” world. At least to the best of my ability. Won’t be easy but it is time. Never on even my worst days would I ever want to hurt someone’s feelings or disparage their beliefs. Look out world, Sheda has entered the world of Political Correctedness. Haruumph!

Santa’s been taking a hit for several years now as no one should let strangers in their home giving gifts in the middle of the night to kids. That’s a huge NO-NO today!! Plus the dude’s overweight, smokes a pipe, (wonder what’s in it?) and has animals pulling him and works with, well, ER, small people. Egads man!!

But now Frosty is in the cross hairs of the politically correct world too. Naked with only a top hat on and also smoking a pipe. Naked! Yup!! Heaven forbid.

But the latest this Christmas is that song, “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” is forever banned. You heard it here first. And that’s just Christmas!!

The card game UNO, will have to change two of its’ colors, (red & blue). A tad too political I’ve heard. Just a rumor but ya never know. And the list goes on and on so I’ve decided to use today’s column to help others become politically correct too.

Are ya with me?? We’re all familiar with illegal aliens being undocumented immigrants, used cars are known as pre-driven cars and housewives now being domesticated engineers. We’re already familiar with these and many others but here’s a few others one should really consider…

For example, if an illegal alien is an undocumented immigrant, shouldn’t an illegal drug dealer be an undocumented pharmacist? Hmmmmm.

Lies should now be considered “alternative facts.”

And lying should be just being economical with the truth.

Insanity is now being reality challenged.

Dishonesty is simply to be ethically disoriented.

A criminal is not really a criminal. He or she is actually behaviorally or rules challenged.

Husband and/or wives are now just called Partners.

Robbery is wealth redistribution.

Shoplifting is too harsh a word today. Let’s use a time of irregular or unauthorized shopping.

Murder brings such negative connotations. How about unauthorized termination of life. Sounds so much nicer.

Ever come across someone that doesn’t smell very well. That person now is simply nasally disturbing. I’ve been here a few times…..too many!!!

And no one, absolutely no one should ever fail or be a failure. That person now is involved in a non-traditional form of success.

There should no longer be something called a ghetto. Rather it’s just an economically deprived area.

Don’t have a job, so technically your ‘re unemployed. No no no………You are in a non-waged position or unintentionally at leisure.

A poor person is only economically challenged.

And vomiting or puking is simply out of the question anymore. You are now having an unplanned re-examination of your recent food choices. Sounds so professional, doesn’t it?

Gaining some weight over the holidays? Never see yourself as fat You are now a metabolic over-achiever. Hah…….didn’t you always want to over-achieve at something???

The list can continue I suppose but this will get you a head-start on everyone else.

Remember this year to say Happy Holidays or Season’s Greetings, because Christmas is no longer Christmas to the politically correct person. Christmas is the annual Winter Festival.

If your ready, willing and able to join me in becoming politically correct, give me a call at319.327.4640 or email, (eperson), me at jsheda@indytel.com.

But understand being politically correct is not for the shy or timid. T’wont be easy!!