My mom was born way back in 1915 and she left me in 1988. She was full blown Irish and for the record, Dad was 100% Czech. Their offspring, (my 2 brothers and sister), were quite a mess of genetics and heredity. However, with me being the baby of the family, I probably, (honest opinion here), turned out the best. After all, all babies of the family can say, “Once they got the best, they were finished.” That’s my story and by golly, I’m sticking to it. Now, as you all probably know, I have NEVER been a mother, but someone said all women should go through the “Mother” test. Attach a big bean bag chair to your mid-section and leave it there for nine months. At the end of nine months, remove about 15 of the beans. The Mother Test!!

Let me tell you a few things about my mom:

Here are a few things I NEVER heard her say:

“Sure Johnny, it’s ok to skip school today. I did it a lot when I was in school.”

“Let me smell that shirt. Sure, another week is just fine.”

“Oh, you don’t have a napkin, Johnny. That’s ok, just use your sleeve.”

“Nah, your curfew is not that big a deal. Stay out as late as you want.”

Now here are a few thing my Mom taught me as I was growing up:

She taught me to always use common sense and logic; “If you fall out of that tree and break your neck Mister, don’t you come running to me.”

I was taught to always be prepared for anything; “Johnny, you better put on clean underwear in case you get in an accident.”

Mom taught the irony of life; “You keep crying and I’ll really give you something to cry about.”

She taught me about not exaggerating; “if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times…”

I was taught about the facts of life; “Listen boy, I brought you into the world, I sure can take you out of it.”

Mom shared with me about the humor of life; “Look, when that lawn mower cuts off your toes, you won’t be going with us tonight.”

And finally, she taught me about justice; “I only hope that one day you’ll have kids and they turn out just like you.”

And to close up this special Mother’s Day column, here is possibly what some Mothers of famous people might have said:

Mona Lisa’s Mother; “Mona, these are your senior pictures and we’ve paid a lot of money for them. At least give a nice smile.”

Humpty Dumpty’s Mother; “Hump, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me???”

Albert Einsteins’s Mom: “But Al, these are your senior pictures. Please go back and do something with your hair.”

Jonah’s Mother; “Ok ok, Jonah. Yes, it’s a nice story, but WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN THE LAST THREE DAYS??”

Thomas Edison’s Mother; “Of course I’m proud of you for inventing the light bulb but for cryin’ out loud, turn off the light and go to sleep.”

I miss my mom. Our home growing up in Chelsea, was attached to the Grocery Store and we seemed to always have people drop in for one thing or another. And Mom’s favorite saying to anyone dropping by was, “You’re as welcome as the flowers in May.” She was a good lady and a great Mom. If you’re Mom is still around, give her a call, spend some time with her and always, always let her know how precious, special and loved she is. And don’t just do it on Mother’s Day. Visit her and love on her. That’s The Way I See It. Let me know what you thing at jsheda@indytel.com or call me at 319.327.4640.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO ALL YOU MOMS OUT THERE.

WE LOVE YA.