Years ago when our three daughters were just tykes, Deb had the opportunity to go on an overnight retreat with some of her lady friends and wondered if I could “hold down the fort” while she was away. Haruumph!

Of course I could. Being a mom can’t be that tough. Heck, what does she do all day anyway. So I kissed her and sent her on her way for a relaxing time. She looked worried but I had no idea why. I’m an adult. The three girls, 7, 4 and 1 and I will do just fine. What in the world can go wrong?

Deb left on a Friday afternoon and returned on a Saturday afternoon. Everything went off without a hitch. Hah! And she thought it was gonna be difficult for me. Me? The “Great Shedusky. ” Hah, again, I mused to myself. I love to muse to myself every now and then.

Deb entered the house Saturday evening. Not easily, mind you. There was a little, ahhh, resistance, but she was able to slide in…..sideways. It was getting dark and we were all napping. Deb worked her way to the lamp and turned it on. Perhaps that was her first mistake!

I wasn’t expecting her home quite so soon or maybe time had gone by so fast that I forgot it was Saturday evening already. Regardless, the Living Room was somewhat messy. Nothing that couldn’t be cleaned, straightened or even fixed, if necessary. Toys and school clothes were scattered around a bit. Several half-full pop cans, some left over pizza slices and I think a couple of melted pop-sickles were around the area. But it wasn’t really that bad.

Deb went into the kitchen to get a damp dish cloth to wipe the gooey pop-sickle mess on the coffee table. Both of them. Dang, how many pop-sickles did those three girls have? I told them they had to finish them. It was at this moment I heard a blood-curdling scream. Yikes, she’s seen the kitchen. Dang again. I meant to get that area cleaned up for sure. How in the heck do you run a dish washer anyway? And why doesn’t Tide work in a dishwasher? Doesn’t it get the stains out? What makes the difference if the stains are on clothes or dishes? Geeeze! I think Deb said something to that effect too.

You know, how can a kitchen get so messy when we ordered pizza several times, got our breakfast donuts, coffee and chocolate milk at Casey’s and had some ” finger-lickin” chicken? I don’t think we hardly even dirtied any dishes or pans or pots or glasses or silverware. Ok, perhaps a few. But no way it could have been as many as Deb and I are seeing in the kitchen NOW! Who did this? After wiping some tables, counter tops and appliances for a few minutes, Deb headed to the bathroom to wash her hands.

No! No! Don’t go to the bathroom, I thought. No more musing. I hadn’t gotten the stool unplugged yet. Or the sink. Bubble gum toothpaste everywhere. The tub is filled with toys and soap residue. Or do you just call it soap scum? Wet towels and wash clothes everywhere. Hmmmm, I thought all the girls could take baths by themselves as I watched the ball game the night before. They were supposed to look out for each other. The one towel was hanging over the shower curtain rod and had been dripping for most of the evening. That wasn’t pretty.

Now, I’m not gonna go into any more details. I think you get the picture. Even you husbands out there. But that day I made a very important decision. From now on, I shall leave never, never, never let Deb leave me again! And if I do, I promised her that I would just sit quietly and not touch anything in the house. And with that—-HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY to all you great moms, wives and grand-moms out there. Living with husbands like me, you deserve a great place in heaven.

That’s How I See It. Let me know your story at jsheda@indytel.com.