Letter to the Editor:

What follows is a letter emailed to every Iowa state senator and representative on Thursday, January 14, 2010. I sent them at 9 pm and by 10:30pm already had 2 responses. The next day, there were a few more responses and what I am hearing from them is that bills were started in both the house and senate related to this issue. I want you to be aware of what I am asking and why and also which legislators have been eager to help. I hope that if the media starts asking “what is this about” to the legislators, they will begin to see it is an important issue. The next hope is that at some point, the media will become interested enough to do a story about this legislation so that all Iowans will have an opportunity to contact their legislators to support the bill. Replies follow the letter.

My name is Barbara S. Bucher from Sheldon, IA.

My 19 year old son, Pfc. Derek Bucher, is set to deploy to Afghanistan this summer with the 2168th transportation company out of Sheldon, Ia. His son was born October 22, 2008. He and the mother have never married and he has had to fight for every minute of visitation. The whole first year of his life, my son only had his son for visits a total of 8 hours. The court filing for visitation was April, 2009. He didn’t get his first hearing until August, 2009. The visits that were ordered at that time, while welcome, were minimal. The mother did not keep some of the scheduled visits and the only holiday visitation he got was 4 hours for Christmas.

Well, we had the trial today. The judge was absolute in his belief that Derek be given the maximum amount of time with his son before his deployment. He said they needed weekly contact to facilitate their relationship. The first and fourth weeks of the month, he has a Saturday visit from 10a-5p. The 2nd week he gets Tuesday and Thursday from 10a-3p. The third week of each month he has overnight visit from 10a Saturday to 5p Sunday. While this is more than we could have hoped for and we are so pleased with the judge’s take on the situation, the next part of the story is heartbreaking.

Once Derek deploys, no one in our family will see his son. Iowa does not recognize any grandparents’ rights. So, even though Derek will be able to contact us via the web using voice/video chats, his son will never be with us for them to see each other. For any divorced or unmarried parent that is deployed, there is no chance for their family to have contact with their child unless they die. The legislature has made sure that returning national guard soldiers have a job to come home to, but have made no effort to make sure they come home to a child that recognizes them. Your lack of action on this will destroy many parent/child relationships.

My grandson will be around 18 months when his daddy leaves. They will have seen each other weekly for months and just that suddenly, daddy will drop off the face of the earth. You cannot explain to an 18 month old where their parent went or where their grandparents, uncles or cousins went. There will be a sense of abandonment that stays with him and makes their transition even harder when daddy returns after he is 3 years old.

The American Academy of Pediatrics has a pamphlet published called “Zero to Three- Honoring Our Babies and Toddlers”. It can be found at

http://www.zerotothree.org/site/DocServer/GuideFinalMay27.pdf?docID=9322 . They talk quite candidly about the challenges of deployment on babies and toddlers and some things that you can do to help them cope.

During deployment they suggest: Give me reassurance that my parent is thinking of me and wants to be with me. Tell me stories of things we used to do together. Show me photos of us together.

“Bathe” me in the memories and feelings of my active-duty parent. Photographs, stories, Upon returning from deployment they suggest the following to ease the transition back into their lives:

Let’s spend time all together–you who have been with me and you who just came home.

Derek has planned to do some video recordings for his son to keep him “real” to him. We talk frequently to my brother, who lives in Germany, by video chat. Derek and his son have been present for a couple of them. His great uncle was very real to him on the computer. He would laugh and “talk” to him. This is exactly how we planned to keep daddy real to him during time I think it is so sad that the exact thing that makes us so happy today, the increased time with Derek’s son, is exactly the thing that will make Derek’s deployment more difficult for everyone. His son will become attached to his Dad and all of our family. We have a younger son, still at home, and our older son, his girlfriend and their children live 2 houses down. He will get used to seeing all of us on a weekly basis. Then come deployment time, Daddy will be gone, Grandma and Grandpa will be gone, Uncle Cody, Uncle John, Aunt Cassie and cousins Brooklyn and Andyn will all disappear from his life! Can you imagine the sense of loss for this little boy? Can you imagine the confusion? Or can you imagine the pain of a father leaving his son knowing no one will remind him who he is; knowing that when he comes home his son will have no idea who he is and that he and his entire family will be strangers to his son.

One of the things mentioned over and over in pre-deployment preparedness is that everything possible must be taken care of at home because the soldier’s mind must be on his mission. His life is in danger, as are other’s, if his mind is elsewhere. I will guarantee that my son’s mind will still be here if the above-mentioned situation is not fixed. You have it in your power to preserve a father’s/family’s contact with this little boy. He is not alone………..I am certain many divorced and unmarried parents and their children will suffer the same unnecessary pain.

Please introduce legislation to get grandparents rights. I was proud to give my son to serve this country when he was only 17 years old. I knew they might ask me to say goodbye to him as he served and I prepared myself for that. But nothing and no one could have prepared me for saying goodbye to my son and grandson, for more than a year, on the same day. That is asking too much.

Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Barbara S. Bucher

304 N. 5th Avenue

Sheldon, IA 51201

barbbucher@hotmail.com

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1/14/10 10:09pm

Dear Barbara,

Thanks for your message. Two years ago, I sponsored and passed legislation that ensures permanent custody for deployed service members, and ensures that past or potential deployments cannot be used against service members. I am having a bill drafted that would allow a deployed service member the ability to designate someone in lieu of personal visitation – I believe that this would directly assist in situations such as this. We cannot anticipate every situation, but I think we can get legislation introduced and passed that would address this type of situation. I have also supported legislation in the past that grants grandparents status for visitation, but much of this has been overturned by the Supreme Court.

Thanks again for highlighting the need for action, and for your support of your son during his upcoming deployment.

Steve Warnstadt

State Senator

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1/14/10 10:30pm

I have a bill that I am filing that mirrors Ohio law which I’m told is the way to go. Let me know if any other legislators are interested. Thanks,

Linda

Linda Upmeyer

House Republican Whip

Iowa Statehouse

Des Moines, IA 50319

641-425-8806 (cell)

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Rec’d from David Jacoby 1/15/10 8:16am

Thank you for your VERY important e-mail.

I will work with your representative (Rep. Chambers) to see what we can do. Your grandchild certainly needs you in his life too.

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1/15/10 10:18am

Thanks and I’ve gotten caught up with your emails now. I am looking into legislative language and I’ll check in with what others are now doing. Will keep you informed.

RC

Royd E. Chambers

State Representative, District 5

(Rep Chambers appears to have a bill in his Veteran’s Affairs committee already. I checked over the weekend. )

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1/15/10 12:04pm

Today is the last day to request bills, I have gotten a bill request in for your situation in time so I hope we can move it forward during this session. Nancy Boettger

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1/15/10 9:11pm

I do not know when the bill drafter will have it complete – hopefully in less than two weeks.

I will let you know when it is ready for consideration.

Steve Warnstadt

State Senator