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The President’s Dragon Gap

Chronicle Guest View

June 13, 2019
By Dennis Lamb , Toledo Chronicle, Tama News-Herald

Early the morning of 20 May, President Trump warned Iran not to threaten the United States again or it would face its "official end." What prompted the unusual threat after Iran's Supreme Leader Khamenei had just said there would be no war because neither country wants war?

The nature and timing of the President's threat suggests he may have watched the Game of Thrones finale the evening of 19 May, been carried away watching Daenerys Targaryen burning down King's Landing from the back of a flying fire breathing dragon and fantasized doing the same over Tehran.

It didn't happen, of course, but one can imagine the following scenario:

Trump called U.S. Secretary of Defense Patrick Shanahan as soon as he watched the film and demanded his own dragon. It would be a great photo op, my long fiery hair sweeping behind me would match the dragon's fiery breath destroying Tehran and killing all those mad mullahs below. The American people would love it.

Told that the Pentagon didn't have any dragons, Trump demanded to know why not, how it was possible that with a 'defense' budget comparable to that of the next seven countries combined together the Pentagon didn't have a dragon available for him to attack Iran. I've got to have that dragon before the 2020 elections, the president insisted. It would be yyyyuuge.

Sensing opportunity, Shanahan said that he would need another 200 billion dollars to 'hatch' one.

I'll get you whatever funds you need, either from the Disaster Relief Fund, Social Security or those losers on Medicare and welfare programs, Trump promised. If Congress interferes, I'll declare a national security emergency, like I did to go ahead with the sale of weapons to Saudi Arabia without congressional approval. Congress won't stop me from getting my dragon!

Where do they come from? Trump asked.

Well, Shanahan said, traditionally they are associated with China.

China! Trump said horrified. But we're in a trade war with China. China would want me ME! - to make concessions. OMG, and China is close to Iran. They may have secretly smuggled a dragon into Iran on a dinghy like Iran did with ballistic missiles into Yemen. I'll bet that's why the Iranians haven't surrendered yet. They have a secret dragon. If so, that means we have a dragon gap with Iran. We've got to catch up, Trump thundered. We can't let Iran threaten U.S. Forces with a dragon!

Oh, did I tell you that I'm a very stable genius?

Shanahan: Many times sir.

Dennis Lamb, from Chelsea, Iowa, retired from the federal government in 2002. The thoughts outlined above represent his personal views and not the views of his former employer.

 
 

 

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