One of the great passages of generation to generation is the ago-old statement, "Why, boy, I remember when we wuz little that we had to walk five miles to school every day, uphill both ways." Or how about this one, "Why son, I remember getting up so early, we had to wake the animals up." Or to get me going with today's column, "Boy, you don't know what cold is. I remember when I was a kid, it was so cold that grandpas' false teeth were a-chatterin'....and they were still in the glass on the nightstand. Now, son, that's cold." Here are more thoughts about how cold it is or was. IT IS SO COLD THAT...
even my goose bumps have goose bumps on them.
even Democrats and Republicans in Congress can't get into a heated argument.
I saw several snowmen knocking on doors demanding to come indoors.
my neighbor had a cup of Tabasco sauce instead of coffee last Monday morning!!
Jack Frost quit.
several people were opening their refrigerators just to warm up.
even the "hot air" Rush, Al Sharpton and others have, was at best, lukewarm.
people were using ice cycles instead of firewood.
Judy told me that she caught her dog using the toilet instead of going outside. Now that's cold!!
someone said they heard Richard Simmons was wearing pants.
my long johns were actually hiding from me!!
when my coat and gloves and hat heard what my long johns were doing, they joined him. Folks, that's cold!!
at the local fish fry's, the fish were actually jumping into the deep fat fryers.
after I ate last Monday, I got some mild heartburn and enjoyed it.
my shadow froze to the sidewalk.
a neighbor's thermometer would have frozen to death, if it had been an inch longer.
someone in Montour chopped up their piano for fire wood. But I guess they only got about two chords
a good friend of mine was actually praying to get a fever.
I heard a guy out in the country was eating supper a few days ago and his fork stuck to his tongue. Now, that's cold!!
a farmer that milks cows told me, "John, it was so cold that when I milked the cows, I got ice cream. Brown ones gave chocolate ice cream."
it's rumored Politicians actually have their hands in their own pockets....for a change!! (Must be cold)
I was talking with a friend outside, and when I laughed, my mustache shattered!!
As I'm preparing today's column, it's about a minus 20 degrees. Brrrr. I gave you some idea how cold it was from my perspective. Now, it's your turn. Let me know how cold it is or was in your neck of the woods.
Let me know at firstname.lastname@example.org or call me at 319-327-4640. Love to hear from you. Stay warm.