I probably will get in trouble for this column, but it is my absolute duty to tell the truth. Years ago, we did a "Couples Bible Study" called "Women are like spaghetti: Men are like waffles." The gist of the study was to show the different ways men and women view life in general. Men tend to compartmentalize their lives much like a waffle and women can slide from one topic quickly to another like spaghetti. Men fix problems. Give men a problem and everything else stops until that problem is fixed. He gets himself in that little waffle square and stays there until his problem is fixed.
Women sometimes begin with a situation that happened that day and in telling it to their man, they move from one topic or situation to another as they share their lives. This sliding from one situation to another drives men crazy because their wife shares, they begin jumping from one waffle square to another, while the wife just gently touches all subjects and situations much like that strand of spaghetti. The study was a lot of fun, (not much changed of course), and so often both the men and women laughed and nodded their heads in agreement as to the differences of thinking styles between men and women. Following are some differences in the Sheda marriage and how we (gulp) make it work!
1.The Bathroom. I have a few objects in this coveted room, such as toothbrush, razor, shaving cream, soap and some unused deodorant. I no longer need a comb or brush. For me the bathroom is a place of business. As Larry, the Cable Guy says...."Get-ER done." Deb on the other hand has many, many things in the bathroom...of which I don't really know what most of them are. Our shower is full of cups which in turn are full of things. Several kinds of shampoo and something called "conditioner," are also there. There are two big square machines in this room and I'm not too sure what they are. However for some reason they are close to all of our dirty laundry.
2. Food. Deb does all the grocery shopping. When in the world did they move Fareway? At this store, Deb gets everything we need. Everything. Me? All I need is meat, (hot dogs, hamburger and steak), some cheese, plenty of chips and pop. Oh, and onions too. Deb loves cranberry juice. And califlower and other colored vegetables. She feels our diet should have a lot of variety. Me too. Hot dogs on Monday, Burgers on Tuesday, Steak on Wednesday...(you get the picture). And vegetables only when necessary.
3. Handwriting. This is so silly, but Deb has beautiful handwriting, as do most women. What is wrong with us men? Even chicken scratching would be an insult to the chicken the way we write. Have you ever seen a guy's signature? Deb pettily crosses her t's and dots her i's while I sorta start out with a "J" and then it's all down hill from there. The interesting thing that since we've been married for a life time, Deb can sign my name much better (or worse) than me. I'm afraid to sign my name at the bank as they won't probably accept it!
4. Jewelry. Deb has all kinds of jewelry. She has something called a "jewelry tree." And one of those little things called a jewelry box. Rings, pins, necklaces, bracelets and more of the same. And they match certain clothes that she wears. I have my wedding ring and my watch. That's it. In fact, I'm from the old school that anything more than a ring and a watch is a bit too much for a guy.
5. Mistakes. Now it's true, men and women both make their share of mistakes. But men, (not me, of course) do not know how to admit when they make a mistake. Their is an innate drive in us that equate making a mistake with quickly conjuring up an excuse for that mistake. It's just not in our nature to admit mistakes. Women on the other hand simply say, "Hun, I messed up. Sorry." And it's over. When will we ever learn?
6. Shoes. How many pairs of shoes does one human being need? I have my sandals, (love em), my tennis shoes, a pair of loafers and some dress shoes. Deb has a department store. And I'm not goin' any further. I'm in enough trouble as it is.
7. Finally, when we come home from church every Sunday, Deb wants me to get home as quickly as possible. "I can't wait to get these shoes off and out of the pantyhose." Men, I don't care about anything else, but we should thank God each and every day that we don't have to wear some kind of high heels and panty hose. Which of course is why I know that God is male.
That's the Way I See it.
Let me know your thoughts at firstname.lastname@example.org or call me at 319-334-4117. Oh, you might wanna say a little prayer for me too. Deb might not be too happy!!!!