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The Iowa Caucuses

January 8, 2012
Toledo Chronicle, Tama News-Herald

Well, as I write this column, the Iowa Caucuses have not been held yet. But as you read this column, the dye has been set. So, you, the reader, have the great advantage of 20/20 hindsight and I have absolutely no advantage whatsoever. But I do have some "pre-caucus" thoughts.

Don't know about any of you, but our home has been averaging about 15 phone calls a day from Newt, Rick, Michelle, Ron and Mitt. But we never received one phone call from Mr. Huntsman. Harummph to him. Did you hear his quote, "Iowa picks corn while New Hampshire picks Presidents?" Guess who won't be picked Jon?

What's so dang frustrating about these phone calls is that after several of my tirades toward them on the phone, Deb reminded me that they are just recordings. Grrrrrr! I chat with them; I cuss them out; I ask them weird questions; in fact I treat them like they are my invisible friends. "Well hello Newt. Great to hear from you. How ya been." "Oh, hi Michelle, how nice of you to call me. I'm just fine, how are you."

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"And good day to you Mitt. Have we met? So glad you really care what I think." But as I talk to them, their rambling just keeps going and going and going. Very embarassing to shout and vent back at a recording. I wonder how important Iowa will be now that the caucus is over.

Ok, here's my picks....Don't think Mr. Gingrinch or Mr. Sanitorium will come out on top. Oops, sorry about the poking fun of their names. Mean of me as I remember as a kid in Chelsea how some of my "friends" mangled the name "Sheda" when it came to calling names. Use your imagination on that one!!!

Ron Paul, the man who feels that Iran is just a misunderstood country that feels so inferior to the other countries that have nuclear weapons. "We just want one to feel safe," is what Ron feels. What an empathetic man. Rick Perry promises half a congress at half the cost. Hah! Do you know how Washington works, Rick? If you get this through, here's how it'll work out. Half the Congress will work half the time but it will cost us taxpayers twice or three times the cost now. Why? 'Cuz that's the way it works. They don't see it as "We the People" but rather as "We the Congress."

And finally rounding out the group is Mitt and Michelle. Mitt is the handsomest and Michell has the prettiest legs. Well at least she hasn't been afraid to show them. But do either of them have what it takes to take us to the next level? I think Romney will win Iowa but Newt will come in a close second. Not sure if Michelle can win, but I think she would make a great Vice President. Why? Just because she looks so serious about her beliefs. However she does remind me some of a Stepford Wife. But I get the feeling she is not!!!! And Jon Huntsman....may you find out that an Iowa Corn Fed caucus winner is what catapults the candidate to the nomination.

Well, the caucus is over. How'd I do? That's The Way I See It. Let me know how you see it at Oh, as well as I'm prognosticating, it will be the New England Patriots over the Packers in the Super Bowl. You read it hear first!!!



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