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Differences between men and women (Gulp)

September 25, 2011
By John Sheda
Before I begin this column, let be officially known that at the ripe old age of eleven or twelve, I certainly noticed the differences between men and women. Yes, those differences. It was exactly those differences that got me disinterested in the Priesthood. This column will NOT discuss those differences at all. I also know that when discussing differences between men and women, I have automatically set myself up to be caught, quartered and hung by half of the readers of this newspaper. But still I shall venture forth. Now for my qualifications. I married a young lady, (in November it will be 37 years), we have three daughters and also two grand-daughters. All girls!  Haruumph! I am well qualified to share the differences between men and women. So, (gulp), here goes.

  •God made a woman after He made man because perhaps He thought He could do better!  And to be honest, I think He did.

•When arguing with your wife, if she comes to the point where she says, “FINE,”  it is your absolute duty as a husband to shut up and walk away because she is really saying, “I Am Right.”  Any response after “fine” is a mistake

•Men need five items in the bathroom; shaving cream, a razor, toothbrush, a bar of soap and a towel. Women need approximately 348 items or so and most men have no idea these items are or do.

•Women spend months trying to buy just the perfect Christmas or Birthday gift. Men will head to Wal-Mart at the last minute and pick up something.

•Four women go to lunch and figure out to the penny what each person owes. Men will each toss in a $10 dollar bill and say they don’t want the change.

•Men play cards or board games to compete. May the best man win attitude. Women play cards & table games to socialize. “Who cares who wins” is their attitude.

• Women are just plain crazy and men are just plain stupid. Women are crazy because men are stupid!!!

•Women mature much faster than men. That’s a fact. The reason? Probably because most men never mature at all!!!

•Women have so much drama their lives. Men don’t even know what the word “drama” means.

•Handwriting is so different in men and women. Women write so nice. Men print, scribble and just make lines. 

•For weddings, with a man, it’s a rented tuxedo. And the wedding just sort of happens. Can’t even begin to describe the wedding according to the woman.

•In problem solving, men tend to be like waffles....everything fits neatly in little squares. And no square touches. Women are like spaghetti...everything intertwined together. Everything touches and is related to everything else.

•Men have two types of clothes.....dirty clothes and dirty but still wearable clothes.

•Women never have the right clothes for the occasion and she must go and buy a new outfit.

• If Linda, Sue, Liz and Marlene go out for lunch, they will call each other Linda, Sue, Liz and Marlene.

• If Joe, Roger, Ben and Tony go out for lunch they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut Head and Scrappy.

And finally, the reason I thought of this column was because I watched just a little bit of the Emmys last Sunday night. While watching shows I never even heard of, I noticed that all the men wore black suits, white shirts and black ties, while the women wore quite extravagant formal gowns of all colors and designs. Not one man looked dismayed that they had all worn the same outfit.  Thus the differences between men and women. What differences have you noticed over the years? 

Let me know at or call me at 319.334.4117. And ladies, please do not be too hard on me. You see, Deb will be reading this too. Men, pray for me. Have a great week.






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