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I have learned some more …

In to the Wind

September 7, 2011
Toledo Chronicle, Tama News-Herald
MIKE GILCHRIST IN THE TOLEDO CHRONICLE



I find it a personal requirement, that from time-to-time, I have to revisit some of those things I’ve learned.



I have learned I am still learning



I have learned worrying appears to have worked for me. 99% of the things I’ve ever worried about never happened!



I have learned it is fortunate for us, our conscience clears as our memories fade.



I have learned I don't like tofu! Besides, I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to eat tofu!



I have learned little toes are devices for finding immovable objects in the dark!



I have learned that while I've never really grown up, I have learned how to behave in public!



I have learned I finally figured out what’s wrong with me. I am definitely parked diagonally in a parallel universe!



I have learned I can’t stand people who are intolerant.



I have learned it was one of the hardest things I ever did, but releasing my children back into the wild was the right thing to do!



I have learned when I was younger, “lots of bars” meant lots of fun. Now it just means I have good cell phone service.



I have learned many times all the passengers leave my train of thought.



I have learned spelling is a lossed art. Texting has made it so!



I have learned there is no fool like an old fool, but some of you young whippersnappers are showing real promise!



I have learned nobody ever determined who really let the dogs out.



I have learned that while a tomato is technically a fruit, you shouldn’t put them in a fruit smoothie.



I have learned never to touch the red and black wires together.



I have learned shiny objects are lodestones for stupid acts.



I have learned that a smile is the least expensive way to improve your looks.



I have learned when I smile at people they almost always smile back.



I have learned NOBODY looks dignified while chewing gum.



I have learned it’s taking me way too long to become the person I want to be.



I have learned that you cannot make someone love you.



I have learned that your life can be changed in an instant by people you don’t even know.



I have learned you can judge a persons character by the descriptive words they use.



I have learned the less my kids need me, the more I need them.



I have learned dogs and cats ALWAYS need me, and NEVER talk back.



I have learned you can’t keep making only right turns and expect to make it back home.



I have learned age is only important in cheese, in wine, or if you’re four years old.

I have learned my capacity for remembering faces far exceeds my capacity for remembering names, and the older I get, the more apparent that fact becomes.



I have learned that envy is the enemy of happiness.



I have learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.



I have learned it takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan.



I have learned buying lottery tickets or playing the slots is not a good retirement plan.



I have learned anticipation is often sweeter than the event.



I have learned dad was right, but it took me until twenty-two to figure that out.



I have learned mom was right and I never doubted it.



I have learned whichever line I get into moves the slowest.



I have learned you should never pay for a job until it is completed.



I have learned the worst drivers seem to follow me wherever I go.



I have learned my kid’s birthdays make me feel older than my own.



I have learned a dog will always go on a walk with you, even when nobody else will.



I have learned politicians, weathermen, and economists are the only people who can be right less than half the time and still get a paycheck.



I have learned whoever coined the term “terrible two” never met a four-year-old.



I have learned every great accomplishment was once considered impossible.



I have learned it is best to be liberal with praise and stingy with promises.



I have learned the bottom of the ladder must be firmly seated before you climb.



I have learned ten minutes scanning the night sky for shooting stars always brings me back to earth.



I have learned advanced degrees don’t bestow common sense.



I have learned the screwdriver I’m looking for is usually the only one missing.



I have learned you can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle these things: a broken down car, a hopelessly lost item and a tangled extension cord.



I have learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life".



I have learned that even the simple act of turning a beetle stuck on his back over can bring a wisp of harmony to your life.



I have learned without a doubt that there are no unimportant acts of kindness.



I still have a lot to learn, and often don’t even know what I don’t know.



Until next time--



You can read past columns by visiting tamatoledonews.com and clicking on the “Local Columns” button at the bottom of the page.



In to the Wind and this column are copyright 2011 Mike Gilchrist. Readers, feel free to contact me at mike@aweiowa.com via email, or write to me at P.O. Box 255, Toledo, IA 52342.























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