I find it a personal requirement, that from time-to-time, I have to revisit some of those things I’ve learned.
I have learned I am still learning
I have learned worrying appears to have worked for me. 99% of the things I’ve ever worried about never happened!
I have learned it is fortunate for us, our conscience clears as our memories fade.
I have learned I don't like tofu! Besides, I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to eat tofu!
I have learned little toes are devices for finding immovable objects in the dark!
I have learned that while I've never really grown up, I have learned how to behave in public!
I have learned I finally figured out what’s wrong with me. I am definitely parked diagonally in a parallel universe!
I have learned I can’t stand people who are intolerant.
I have learned it was one of the hardest things I ever did, but releasing my children back into the wild was the right thing to do!
I have learned when I was younger, “lots of bars” meant lots of fun. Now it just means I have good cell phone service.
I have learned many times all the passengers leave my train of thought.
I have learned spelling is a lossed art. Texting has made it so!
I have learned there is no fool like an old fool, but some of you young whippersnappers are showing real promise!
I have learned nobody ever determined who really let the dogs out.
I have learned that while a tomato is technically a fruit, you shouldn’t put them in a fruit smoothie.
I have learned never to touch the red and black wires together.
I have learned shiny objects are lodestones for stupid acts.
I have learned that a smile is the least expensive way to improve your looks.
I have learned when I smile at people they almost always smile back.
I have learned NOBODY looks dignified while chewing gum.
I have learned it’s taking me way too long to become the person I want to be.
I have learned that you cannot make someone love you.
I have learned that your life can be changed in an instant by people you don’t even know.
I have learned you can judge a persons character by the descriptive words they use.
I have learned the less my kids need me, the more I need them.
I have learned dogs and cats ALWAYS need me, and NEVER talk back.
I have learned you can’t keep making only right turns and expect to make it back home.
I have learned age is only important in cheese, in wine, or if you’re four years old.
I have learned my capacity for remembering faces far exceeds my capacity for remembering names, and the older I get, the more apparent that fact becomes.
I have learned that envy is the enemy of happiness.
I have learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I have learned it takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan.
I have learned buying lottery tickets or playing the slots is not a good retirement plan.
I have learned anticipation is often sweeter than the event.
I have learned dad was right, but it took me until twenty-two to figure that out.
I have learned mom was right and I never doubted it.
I have learned whichever line I get into moves the slowest.
I have learned you should never pay for a job until it is completed.
I have learned the worst drivers seem to follow me wherever I go.
I have learned my kid’s birthdays make me feel older than my own.
I have learned a dog will always go on a walk with you, even when nobody else will.
I have learned politicians, weathermen, and economists are the only people who can be right less than half the time and still get a paycheck.
I have learned whoever coined the term “terrible two” never met a four-year-old.
I have learned every great accomplishment was once considered impossible.
I have learned it is best to be liberal with praise and stingy with promises.
I have learned the bottom of the ladder must be firmly seated before you climb.
I have learned ten minutes scanning the night sky for shooting stars always brings me back to earth.
I have learned advanced degrees don’t bestow common sense.
I have learned the screwdriver I’m looking for is usually the only one missing.
I have learned you can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle these things: a broken down car, a hopelessly lost item and a tangled extension cord.
I have learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life".
I have learned that even the simple act of turning a beetle stuck on his back over can bring a wisp of harmony to your life.
I have learned without a doubt that there are no unimportant acts of kindness.
I still have a lot to learn, and often don’t even know what I don’t know.
Until next time--
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In to the Wind and this column are copyright 2011 Mike Gilchrist. Readers, feel free to contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org via email, or write to me at P.O. Box 255, Toledo, IA 52342.